Humor

Discussion in 'Happy Hour' started by White Shogun, Nov 19, 2005.

  1. White Shogun

    White Shogun Hall of Famer

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    [​IMG]
     
  2. Michael

    Michael Mentor

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  3. Extra Point

    Extra Point Hall of Famer

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    Let's post funny jokes, pictures and videos in this thread. :D
     
  4. Extra Point

    Extra Point Hall of Famer

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    America's Dumbest Criminals episode 5. At 8:55 you see a man robbing a store wearing a clear plastic bag over his head as a disguise. You can't get any dumber than that.

     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
  5. McCaffrey Dude

    McCaffrey Dude Mentor

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    If this gets deleted so be it. Just a joke here that I made up.
    Why don't black people make good lumberjacks?
    Because they only thing they are good at axing are questions.
     
  6. Don Wassall

    Don Wassall Administrator Staff Member

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    Hilarious! Truly you've missed your calling, you should be booking gigs in the Catskills.
     
  7. McCaffrey Dude

    McCaffrey Dude Mentor

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    Thanks. I knew you would come around. It only took 12 years or something like that. I hate the Catskills BTW. To many Israelis though Minnewaska is nice. I grew up near New Paltz. Beats Frackville PA anyday.
     
  8. Charles Martel

    Charles Martel Hall of Famer

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    Sometimes people telling the truth without political correctness is makes me laugh.

     
  9. BeyondFedUp

    BeyondFedUp Master

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    Dang, truth is truth no matter who says it. This guy is right on target!
     
  10. Freethinker

    Freethinker Hall of Famer

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    Tommy Sotomayor sure has his great moments. Reminds me of Pastor James Manning, who sort of peaked in the Obama Era. His “best of” video has some genuine laugh out loud moments and lines.

     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2020
  11. FootballDad

    FootballDad Hall of Famer

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    Hey all, ran across these guys the other day from SNL. They are black, so they can get away with rayciss stuff against their own. It's funny since they go full-bore with the old gaudy color Hollywood stereotype from back in the early days but with modern issues. But the best part is the very last line........
     
  12. dwid

    dwid Hall of Famer

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    Yea they had one that cracked me up about football

    But of course they wanna act like it's the White guy that's racist even when many black commentators laugh at White players and mock them . It just had me laughing when he said "Voodoo" to describe Blount
     
  13. The Hock

    The Hock Master

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    I've watched this several times and laughed every time.

    I wonder where someone got the idea for the skit?
     
  14. Don Wassall

    Don Wassall Administrator Staff Member

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  15. Freethinker

    Freethinker Hall of Famer

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    Hahahaha, classic!
     
  16. Extra Point

    Extra Point Hall of Famer

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    Compilation of dumb plays in sports.

     
  17. BeyondFedUp

    BeyondFedUp Master

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    I haven't laughed that hard in over a week!!:beer-toast1::banana:
     
  18. Charles Martel

    Charles Martel Hall of Famer

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  19. Bucky

    Bucky Master

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    Lol watched this earlier when you posted it. Sadly this is a pretty common occurrence in "diverse" neighborhoods.
     
  20. Don Wassall

    Don Wassall Administrator Staff Member

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  21. TomIron361

    TomIron361 Mentor

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    Here's a piece of humor trivia I never knew about. I always thought,"yeah, that's the ticket" was originally said by SNL, "Tommy Slonoggin." No, it was said in the log ago movie "The African Queen" by Humphrey Bogart.
     
  22. Freethinker

    Freethinker Hall of Famer

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    [​IMG]
     
  23. NolanCromwell

    NolanCromwell Newbie

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    Thanks, FT. That one is pretty good...
     
  24. Charles Martel

    Charles Martel Hall of Famer

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  25. Extra Point

    Extra Point Hall of Famer

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    These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
    __________

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    __________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you serious?
    __________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    __________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
    --
     

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